Feeling Nostalgic

First of all, happy 17 month birthday to our little girl who is sleeping in an orphanage on the other side of the world right now. Little does she know that in just over 2 weeks, her life is about to change BIG TIME, as is ours.

Bo and I were talking yesterday morning before he left for work (which is about the only time we get a chance) about becoming parents again at the age of 40 and 43. I've thought a lot about this and think that I will be a better mother to a little one at this age than I was at 26 and 29. Maturity really does come with experience and when I reflect back I realize just how quickly life passes us by.

When I dropped Brady off at the high school I couldn't believe how quickly his life is going by. It was just yesterday when I walked him in to kindergarten and met Mrs. Julie and made it to the parking lot before I started crying. With all of the good memories that I have, I also have ones that aren't so good. Patience is something that comes with trial and experience, and although I'm a long way off, I'm better than I was. I have this horrible memory of working with Brady on making the letter a and getting so frustrated with him because he couldn't do it the right way. He was 5! What was I expecting? (Can you say therapy may be in order - for both of us.)

I have more patience now and hopefully that will be reflected as I parent a toddler along with my tween and teenager. When the boys were little, I didn't take as much time to sit and play as I would have liked. I was working full time, trying to take care of a home, and all the things that go along with that, as well as having 2 little ones in diapers. If you could see my house right now you would see I have come a long way on trying to keep a wonderful house. We LIVE here and although I would like for it to be clean more than it is, I really don't focus as much on it anymore. My son will graduate high school (at least that's what I'm praying for) in 4 years and be gone (I'm praying for that too). At the risk of really sounding like an old person, you look back on time and it's GONE. Kenny Chesney's song "Don't Blink" is really true. Where did it go?

The same rings true with Ashton, and probably more so. There are so many things that I don't remember about his infant and toddler days because I had 2 in diapers and was just slightly keeping my head above water. When he asks what his first words were, I have no idea. I can't even find his baby book! What kind of mother am I? So, I choose to make it up and tell him that he was so smart that he began speaking in complete sentences (which may be true) and I was in awe of his brillance.

So one of my decisions is this, I will sit down and have tea with my daughter and push her on her Princess Mobile, and read to her, and make cookies with her and try to enjoy all of those fleeting moments because I will blink and she too will be gone. This is my last chance to get it right and enjoy what God has blessed us with. I don't want to spend my time worrying about the little things when the little one is disappearing before my eyes.

I don't know where all of this came from and hope that it wasn't too depressing. It was therapeutic for me and now I am off to pick up my big boys from school. Granted, they will come home arguing and eating me out of house and home, and I will be thinking that I'm going to lose my mind! But what amazing blessings they are and those are the moments that I need to remind myself of it the most.