Wednesday catch up and Getting Real

First off, the missing dog is still missing and now presumed dead. 2 dogs in a week. Bo's getting a little nervous:)

I am still in the process of getting our care package to little bit. I have been in contact with Ann at Red Thread China and her e-mail responses have been so fun to read. She seems so positive and uplifting. She was quick to point out that the area that Emma is in - Jiangsu Province, is different from her area and the language characters are evidently different. It has been interesting to read her responses.

In the days to come, I am going to try to start posting some facts and history regarding China. I think that their history is so fascinating and I would like to share some of it with everyone who might be interested. The information for today comes from The Essential Guide to Customs and Culture in China. Funerals: The many beliefs surrounding death in China have survived into the 21st century virtually intact. Until recent times it was still the custom to bury clothing and jewels with the body. In Hong Kong, entire shops are devoted to selling paper money, paper furniture, cars, houses and paper clothes that are burned and placed with the body on burial; even the non-religious will often pay a Buddhist or Daoist priest to say prayers (several hours long) and perform ceremonies for the soul of the dead person. Another custom that would be thought very strange in the West was buying a coffin in advance and storing it in the house. White is the color worn at funerals. The Chinese believe the body needs to go into the next world intact, and so cremation is very unpopular. This presents a problem in the overcrowded cities where there is simply not enough space for graveyards. Another problem arising from the belief in the need for an intact corpse is that organ donation is rare in China. Very interesting. Sorry for the early morning morbid thoughts.

I was reading Melissa's blog a few days ago and was introduced to the Get Real blog and thought it was a interesting idea. I have had a few days to think about it and go over my mental list and wanted to share it as well. I think that most of the time, people only see what we allow them to see. That is usually only the good stuff, although occasionally, they might get a glimpse at the bad. Well, after reading some of the others Get Real lists, I realized that a lot of us are just alike is so many ways. It has actually been very revealing to make out my list, and believe me, the list could go on for days, I just had to stop somewhere.

Getting Real

1. I'm very insecure. For as long as I can remember I have hated, despised, loathed my curly, frizzy, totally unmanageable hair. I'm very self conscious of it and it really has a lot of control over me. I know that outward appearance isn't something that we should place so much emphasis on, but I, like most women, do and I never feel like I look good enough and usually it relates to my hair. I know that sounds shallow, but I'm just being real. I was given the genetic code for unruly hair and it drives me CRAZY. I could also stand to lose 10-15 pounds, but that's never going to happen either:)
2. Despite my insecurities, I talk a good game. I come across as strong and secure (most of the time) when on the inside I know that I have a lot of areas of weakness. I try to hide them well and don't even reveal them to my husband or friends.
3. I do not spend enough time with God. It seems like no matter how hard I try, I never read my Bible enough or spend enough time in prayer. I seem to have a continuous dialogue with God in my head, but I seem to do more talking than listening. If it weren't for daily devotions sent to my inbox, I don't think I would ever carve out the time to study and pray. I have to work on that area in my life, but it's a constant struggle for me.
4. Bo is a much better husband than I am wife. He's more loving and much kinder. I'm more hotheaded and fly off the handle easier and he is much more controlled. I guess opposites do attract. God blessed me more than I can say by choosing Bo as my mate. I have not always realized that and have often taken him for granted.
5. I yell. I yell at my kids more than I care to mention. I'm not saying that at times it isn't deserved, but many times I'm yelling because it's just the way I respond. I also struggle with being patient with the boys. They can push my buttons and often do. Teenagers and preteens are interesting characters! I am trying to work on the yelling part. I realize that it's a problem, so at least that's a step in the right direction.
6. I'm a worrier. No matter how much I try to give it all to God, I turn right around and take a lot of it back (and sometimes more), and start worrying all over again. Isn't that a sign of a lack of Trust? I worry about my kids and their struggles, I worry about Bo and his well being and struggles, I worry about finances, I worry about trying to get "it" all done, etc. Not matter how I hard I try, I'm always behind and of course, I worry about that. There is never enough of me to go around! (I worry about that too).
7. Adoption has been the most amazing experience of my life. Giving birth to my boys was wonderful and I thank God that he blessed me with that privilege. I realize many people never get to experience that and I don't understand why that is. However, adoption brings on an entirely different set of emotions. To know that God, in His infinite wisdom, had a baby picked out for our family before we even knew we wanted to adopt has been humbling and very profound for me. Also, to think that another woman gave birth to this little girl and for whatever reason chose to give her up, it makes me just crumble on the inside for her. And God knew my life was a mess and had an emptiness that I couldn't fill and he put me on a path that has helped to bring about some balance in my life. And although our paths will most likely never cross, that birth mother was part of the process. It's all so amazing to me and I can say without hesitation, it's been the greatest, most emotional journey I have ever been on. Exhausting, frustrating, etc. - yes, but indeed the most amazing. Adoption has brought about a sense of purpose for me, but if I'm being REAL, it has brought about enormous stress as well. Now that it's real and there is an Emma, not just a name but a person, I worry about my ability to parent her well enough. Am I going to know how to handle the issues that are no doubt ahead of us. The questions, the looks, the moments that how I react and respond will determine how she deals with her challenges in the future. I have to be strong for her and I think that I will be, but I still worry about all of the unknowns that are ahead for her. I'm just being REAL.
8. My list could also include: I'm not as organized as I would like to be, I'm not a great housekeeper, I spend too much time on the computer (yeah, I know:), I don't exercise enough (hardly ever), I need to spend more time thinking of others and helping them and have become slightly jaded after being an ER nurse for 12 years. I have no special talents, I can't play an instrument or sing. I have no artistic abilities at all. I love sports, but have no athletic ability. I would love a "gift", and am often jealous when I see other people who can do it all. So you see, my list is rather long and could be longer, however I'm choosing to stop now. I don't want to become depressed and have to eat a bag of something salty, chased with chocolate. At least not before 10 A.M.