Overall, this hasn't been a very good week. I feel like Satan has had my number all week and he has been hurling sharp arrows straight at me. I feel like my shield has been penetrated and I'm having a hard time getting it back over me. Does that make any sense? I've had a lot of "what if" thoughts this week. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited about our little girl and I do believe that God handpicked her for our family, but I guess the weak human part of me has been asking a lot of questions this week. Will she be able to do this or that, will she be healthy, will she have any other health problems that we are not aware of and if she does, how do we handle it. Am I strong enough to parent a child with special needs, am I going to be able to do all that it takes to be the mom she needs? What if........ That seems to be theme of the week for me. But as I'm reminded and perhaps have forgotten this week, you either trust HIM or you don't. I think it's only natural to have questions, but I don't like the way I have felt this week and the questions seem like they are taking control of all of my thoughts. It's not a fun place to be and I covet your prayers that I might soon escape this slump that has gotten me down. Above all, pray for our Emma. I have seen a more recent picture of her in the orphanage and she looks so sad and I can't stand it. I just want this to be over with and get her home where we can deal with whatever is ahead of us. Pray that with God's help, I can be stronger than Satan's arrows. He is robbing me of my joy right now and I want it back.
3 years ago
3 comments:
I want to climb through the computer and hug you. Since I can't here are some words to refrsh you:
See, the LORD your God has set the land (ie., child) before you. Go up and take possession of it as the LORD, the God of your fathers, has told you. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Deut. 1:21
Deuteronomy 31:8 The LORD is the One who will go before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not be afraid or discouraged."
Joshua 1:9 Haven't I commanded you: be strong and courageous? Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."
Luke 18:1 He then told them a parable on the need for them to pray always and not become discouraged:
Ephesians 3:13
So then I ask you not to be discouraged over my afflictions on your behalf (Emma's hands], for they are your glory.
Take heart in God's word and give yourself the grace to be afraid and confused. God knows your heart and He would have never chosen this special child for you and your family if He didn't know she was the right one. Someone told me once that God chooses the children for us that will help us become the people we need to be in Him. What a blessing.
Here's another big hug!
Sounds like Satan has really been attacking you. I have been praying for your family and will continue to pray for your family and Emma and her nannies in China.
I've been there friend. The what if's. You are "right on schedule" with that. Seriously! The first couple of weeks, I had some times of real struggle. Not that I doubted she was ours but just questioning if I could do it all. God just kept saying and still does, "Trust Me." I wanted more but He has yet to give me more. He knows best! Hang in there and believe you are skipping the PA. I'm telling you that your LOA will be here SOON! Maybe with ours!!!! That would just be too awesome. So glad you found some photos; we did too but I have yet to be able to get in touch with the person who took them. :(( I want to ask QUESTIONS! Hang in there.
Leslie
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