Thursday's Thoughts

Well, I have enjoyed being home today. My house is crazy and although I have not gotten a lot done today, I have managed to clean out Ashton's closet and get rid of things he has outgrown. I also went through the rest of Emma's things and separated them out and found more things that I'm sure she will never be able to wear. From her medical history, which is several months old, she is a chunk. I hope she will be able to wear some of the 12-18 months things that are so adorable, but I'm not sure. Oh well, those are just clothes. She has an abundance of 18-24 months as well. Poor child, nothing to to wear:)

I worked hard in the ER yesterday with this new cleaning project and I have to admit, they got their money's worth yesterday. I was exhausted last night. I actually slept in this morning and it felt so good. I think some of that inspired me to start doing some more cleaning around here. When I think about what all has to be done in the next couple of months it blows my mind. What were we thinking waiting so long to get these things done! Talk about denial. We work well under pressure and now we are in the pressure cooker. I don't even have a nursery theme. What kind of mother am I? When you have big boys in the house you just become numb to cute little girl things. I mean it's about picking up stinking socks and underwear, praying they will flush the toilet and please raise the seat! (I am referring to my sons, not necessarily my husband:) This is going to be an eye opener for us - me especially. I've been the only female around here for so long that I sometimes stop thinking like a girl and think like these goofy guys that I love so much. I can hold a conversation about sports, fishing, etc. as well as anyone. Now we have to think in terms of dolls, dresses, hair bows, tights, tea parties, etc. I may be out of my league:)

I love the group Casting Crowns. They are one of my many favorites Christian groups. On my drive into work yesterday I was listening to them and it was like I was hearing a song for the first time. I think the title is Caught in the Middle and in the chorus it talks about having deep water faith in the shallow end. For some reason (GOD) that just stuck in my mind and I have thought about it so much. I enjoy swimming in our pool, but I am not a great swimmer. The boys are wonderful and can swim like fish, but I never really had lessons enough to make me comfortable. When we are playing around in the pool, Ashton loves to jump on me while I am in in the deep end and he knows that I just panic. Of course, he can do it in the shallow end and I am fine. When I thought about that in terms of faith, it is so true. It's really easy to have faith as long as we are in the shallow end of the water. I can touch the bottom, so I'm not scared. Toss me into the deep end, and that is a different story. We can apply that to any area of our lives. When God asks us to step out of the shallow end and get the water over our heads, are we willing to do that? Do we question him and reason with him about how we are not able to touch the bottom and we would rather stay where we are comfortable? I know that I have been guilty of that and probably will again. Our Emma will have some obstacles to overcome and that means we will too. She is missing some of her toes and she is missing all of her fingers except her pinkie fingers. When I look at her hands, I wonder about the challenges she will face. I still think that she will adjust so well because she has never had 5 fingers on both hands, so if you don't know what that is like, that is your normal. I have been trying to use my pinkie fingers as I do some of my daily things and there are things that are really challenging to do. I can't do some of those things, but I've always had 5 fingers. So we may not know all of the things that are ahead of us, we never do, but we are willing to step into that deep end. God is my life preserver and he won't let us drown. He created our daughter the way she is for some reason and I look forward to seeing what this little gal is going to accomplish in her life. When I look into her eyes, I see a future that is wide open with a family that adores her already. So please pray for us as we continue to wait on bringing her home. We are excited about jumping in the deep end and eager to swim with God's direction.

As time goes by, there are so many other things I want to share in this blog. Things that have opened up my eyes to God in a way that I have never seen them before. It's amazing how God works when you just let him take control and you stop trying to be the one who directs everything.