Happy Father's Day - What a Great Gift

Well, I'm still exhausted. I thought that having only had 4 hours of sleep in 2 days that I would just dissolve last night, but alas, I did not. I think I may have slept 3-4 hours. I kept looking at the clock and going over everything in my head. When Bo finally came to bed, he kept snoring and it drove me nuts! Obviously, he didn't have any problems. I'm glad one of us was able to shut it all off and get some sleep.

I still don't have time and am not sure if I'm allowed to share a lot about Emma. I know that we can't share her picture for some time yet. I can say that she was 15 months old on the day we got the call. That is quite young for a shared referral. Her special need will be a learning experience for all of us, however, I feel very comfortable with it. It will just involve her learning to do things with some limitations. However, considering the fact that she is our child, I don't see many limitations in the future. She will have 2 older brothers who will teach her many things!

Our next step is to get all of the necessary paperwork back to our agency by 10 in the morning. I have to write a "rehabilitation and nurture plan" that basically informs the CCAA of our desire to adopt this child and what our plan of care is for her. It has to include what our medical treatment will be, if we have insurance, a statement that we will love this child unconditionally regardless of her condition, and reasons why we are a good match for her. It involves more than that, but that is the overall summary. When Brady and I were talking about her yesterday and what her limitations might be he told me he wanted to teach her to shoot a gun. Well, before anyone gets to worked up, you have to understand we are from the south, everyone likes to hunt, and we look at guns differently than some folks. Brady told me he wanted to take her deer hunting. Well, considering her special need, that might be a stretch, but I couldn't help but crack up laughing. I asked Bo if he thought we should entitle our rehab / nurture plan the "Redneck Rehabilitation Plan of Care". Only a 14 year boy would come up with such a thought. He is so excited. He just keeps looking at her picture and saying "she's so cute".

Ashton has his own concerns. He and I talked yesterday about what he really thought about all of this and I think he was relatively honest with me. You have to understand Ashton to be able to really get it. He doesn't show emotion well. He hates to cry, he only says he's sorry if forced to do so, etc. These are not things that make me happy, but it's who he is. (that is a disclaimer for his future bride). From the beginning of our decision to adopt, he wasn't happy about it. He likes being the youngest and he told me that again yesterday. "I don't want to adopt no baby" were his exact words. The entire time we are discussing that, he is also saying, can I have a picture of her. I think he is really concerned about her special need and what that will involve for our family. I explained to him that I was very concerned also, but I think it will be just a minor thing in the long run. His other concern is that she looks like a boy to him and could I call China and tell them to quit cutting her hair. (I'll get right on that). I explained to him that they cut their hair to keep children from having lice while in the orphanage, etc. I think his overall concern is the fear of the unknown and I can relate to that. Ashton has not planned on traveling with us to China. He has stated from the beginning that he doesn't want to fly that far, so now, he's telling us we need to get him a passport and if I could give him about 2o of those "pills to help him sleep" (Benadryl -I swear), that he thinks he wants to go. Nothing like waiting to the last minute! Now I have to put a rush on getting him a passport. We have had mixed feeling about him going since the beginning, but now that it has taken 2 years to get here, I think it might be the best thing for him.

While I was waiting to download the information from AWAA on Friday, I prayed that God would give us the peace to know what the right decision was for our family. Understand, we have dial up and it takes forever to download things sometimes. So while I was waiting on our pictures and her history, I kept thinking about the Bring the Rain blog and her saying that God was the same God when she went in to the ultrasound room excited as he was when she came out of the room broken hearted. I also kept thinking about the the fact that you either trust him or you don't. While I waited, I picked up Bo's Bible and randomly turned to what was open. Psalms 20 and then to Proverbs 3. God directed me to both of those passages.

After working all night Friday night and praying and wondering and hoping and pleading with God to show me a sign to know what the right thing was to do, I left work yesterday morning in a state of pure bewilderment. I just felt so heavy and uncertain of the right thing to do. As I drove home, I was crying (I mean that ugly cry that you hope no one ever sees) and pleading with God to show me a sign. On the radio, 94 the Fish, the d.j. introduces the next song as Hands by Natalie Grant. Well, again, you don't know what Emma's special needs are, but suffice it to say, this song was perfect. The songs talks about being in better hands now and learning to stand. It was the perfect song and was followed up by Steven Curtis Chapman's song, I'm Diving In. Taking a leap of faith! I called Dede and left her a voice mail while I continued to cry and told her I think that I had my answer. She called back and said that when she listened to my voice mail she was crying and then when she heard the title of the first song, she couldn't stop laughing. It was my sign and may I just say, God has a very good sense of humor. So here we are. We are adopting our little girl/sister and just one week ago today, I had asked my friends to really pray about receiving a referral before the end of the month. Did I think God could do that, yes. Did I expect him to, probably not. Have I learned an amazing truth from all of this, certainly. God works on his time table. He is amazing and has certainly opened the eyes of a woman who has made many mistakes in her life and at times turned her back on God. But you see, I am adopted into his family and he loves me unconditionally. I have done nothing to deserve it and can never repay him for the sacrifice he made for me.

Well, I will share more about our bundle of joy as time allows and can't wait to post her picture. She is a dumpling and we couldn't be more proud. Happy Father's Day to all you wonderful dads out there. Bo has received the greatest gift ever this year. (I guess that means I can take mine back - I could use the money!:) Also, I know that my dadddy would be so excited about getting his first granddaughter. I suppose he already knows it and is smiling down on all of us.

Proverbs 3:5, 6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.