Whirlwind Weekend

I think the title says it all. What a weekend. I finally got some sleep last night and it was much needed. Bo and I worked on paperwork until after midnight, but after speaking with our family coordinator at AWAA this morning, it seems everything was received and was in order. For those of you thinking, what is the rush from when you get the call, let me attempt to explain, although I'm not an expert. China has a shared referral system for children with "special needs" and when they put the referrals out there, there are many adoption agencies that have access to those referrals. It begins to be a rush in that you don't know what agency is contacting families regarding the babies on the list and our agency looks at those referrals and makes every attempt to match them with the families that are waiting based on what those families have specified that they are willing to consider. (For example, cleft lip/palate, heart problems, appendage deformity, etc.) We are blessed that we are with a Christian adoption agency that I firmly believe prayerfully considers each child and family. We know that when we got the call, they had looked at our list of things we would consider and then matched that accordingly. We feel very blessed to have them as our agency. If you look back on our history, you will find they are the only agency we called and after talking to them, I knew without a shadow of a doubt, they were the right ones for us. I still feel that way. So with all that said, they try to match these little ones to the perfect family for them (with much Godly advisement) and then make the call. After that, you have only a short period of time to decide and that's not something the agency is happy about, but it is out of their control. With us receiving a call at 12:30 on Friday afternoon, we had to contact doctors to have her paperwork reviewed. Okay, so not as easy as it might sound considering it was Friday afternoon. I have to give a huge shout out to Old Harding Pediatrics and the doctors that talked with me on Friday. The doctor that we planned on using was out of town and 2 other doctors called. Dr. Chris Smeltzer called me at 10 pm while I was at work and he had reviewed her paperwork on his on time and covered everything that he could based on what he was provided with. He was a God send! I also have to give a huge shout out to the Vanderbilt International Adoption Clinic for the quick response that I received from them. They had limited staff due to doctors being on vacation, yet Dr. Alice Rothman e-mailed me, called me twice over the weekend and even consulted other doctors regarding our little one. Yes, there is a fee for that, but you can tell they do this out of a heart of love for children, ALL children. She was wonderful and even as late as last night was still e-mailing me with more information. I would highly recommend them to anyone. So from the time that you say yes to a referral, you have 48 hours to get all of that done and the paperwork into your agency. We met the deadline! I will make an attempt to explain the process more as we go along. This is really a learning experience for me also.

Okay, so this morning I have been a worthless slug while waiting to hear back from AWAA. I have done some laundry, made the bed and here it is almost noon and I am still sitting in my gown. (Not a pretty sight). I did manage to got through some little girl clothes in Ashton's closet and get out the things that will be too small for her. I see a big e-bay listing coming in the future. As Ashton put it Saturday while I was talking about how much sister weighs, "You see, I told you you shouldn't have spent a $1,000 on those clothes." Well, if you know me, you know that everything that I have bought for her was on clearance, but when you have no idea what size your child is going to be, you take a gamble when shopping. For anyone who needs some 6-9 month sizes of adorable little girl clothes with the tags still on them, you know how to contact me:)

My husband was an emotional wreck yesterday. Brother Bob, our pastor, had called him on Saturday night and asked him to give his testimony on Father's Day and talk about our journey. Well, if you know my husband and for those of you that don't, he's a baby. He cries at movies, he cries when he hears a song, he is just a baby (in a very sweet and tender way). He wrote up what he wanted to say because he knew he wouldn't be able to talk without some notes. Then he was crying so much he had a hard time reading his notes. Too funny. Brady was sitting next to me completely embarrassed as every 14 year old boy would be. I heard him tell Bo later that he had no idea his voice could reach those notes! I was beaming with pride. He is such a great dad and this little girl has already got him by the heart. He has always wanted a girl and now we are finally there. It's a feeling that I can't describe adequately. I told Bo yesterday that I feel like the weight of the world has been taken off our shoulders. The waiting has been so hard, and even though we know that by accepting a child with special needs, we are going to face some challenges, we feel such peace about it. When I look at her, I don't see challenges ahead, I see joy ahead. I see our daughter. As Melissa said to me Saturday, God doesn't make mistakes. He created our girl the way she is for a reason, and he knew when she was born (and before) that she would be our daughter. We are ready for the challenges, but we are more ready for the complete privilege to parent her just like we do the boys. From the beginning of this journey I have prayed that God would allow us to love her exactly like we do the boys and I think that God has allowed that and will continue to do so. When I think in terms of how many children that I have, I think 3. I have thought that for some time, but now that we have an adorable face to put with the dream, it just feels even more right.

Okay, the other really funny thing that I have forgotten to mention since we found out about her and saw her picture is her clothes. For those of you unaware, the Chinese bundle their babies up like the Micheline man. I mean layers of clothes! When Brady was looking at her picture, the first thing he noticed was that she had on University of Alabama pants. Okay, for a family of UT fans, that is an insult! But how fitting. I think that just goes along with that whole God having a sense of humor thing. Of all the clothes that she could be wearing in an orphanage half way around the world, she has on Alabama clothes. Those have got to go! And for all our friends that are Roll Tide fans, forget about it. She will be a Vols fan all the way.

Please continue to pray for our family and her. We are not sure when we will travel if this all goes through, but we have a lot of work to do before we get that far. She doesn't even have a room yet. We have just drug our feet waiting and now it's time to get on the stick. Also, please pray for the financial aspect of all of this. We are prepared, but due to the increased wait time, there have been additional costs due to paperwork that had to be renewed, etc. We are just average people with average jobs and raising our family, so this is a huge expense. We have not doubts that it will all work out though. God has provided from day one and he won't stop now.

Quick boys note, they are finally at church camp. We drove them all down yesterday and they were fired up. This is the week that they don't take a shower all week. I'm betting you! They have more fun at church camp than anything they do all summer.

Happy Father's Day - What a Great Gift

Well, I'm still exhausted. I thought that having only had 4 hours of sleep in 2 days that I would just dissolve last night, but alas, I did not. I think I may have slept 3-4 hours. I kept looking at the clock and going over everything in my head. When Bo finally came to bed, he kept snoring and it drove me nuts! Obviously, he didn't have any problems. I'm glad one of us was able to shut it all off and get some sleep.

I still don't have time and am not sure if I'm allowed to share a lot about Emma. I know that we can't share her picture for some time yet. I can say that she was 15 months old on the day we got the call. That is quite young for a shared referral. Her special need will be a learning experience for all of us, however, I feel very comfortable with it. It will just involve her learning to do things with some limitations. However, considering the fact that she is our child, I don't see many limitations in the future. She will have 2 older brothers who will teach her many things!

Our next step is to get all of the necessary paperwork back to our agency by 10 in the morning. I have to write a "rehabilitation and nurture plan" that basically informs the CCAA of our desire to adopt this child and what our plan of care is for her. It has to include what our medical treatment will be, if we have insurance, a statement that we will love this child unconditionally regardless of her condition, and reasons why we are a good match for her. It involves more than that, but that is the overall summary. When Brady and I were talking about her yesterday and what her limitations might be he told me he wanted to teach her to shoot a gun. Well, before anyone gets to worked up, you have to understand we are from the south, everyone likes to hunt, and we look at guns differently than some folks. Brady told me he wanted to take her deer hunting. Well, considering her special need, that might be a stretch, but I couldn't help but crack up laughing. I asked Bo if he thought we should entitle our rehab / nurture plan the "Redneck Rehabilitation Plan of Care". Only a 14 year boy would come up with such a thought. He is so excited. He just keeps looking at her picture and saying "she's so cute".

Ashton has his own concerns. He and I talked yesterday about what he really thought about all of this and I think he was relatively honest with me. You have to understand Ashton to be able to really get it. He doesn't show emotion well. He hates to cry, he only says he's sorry if forced to do so, etc. These are not things that make me happy, but it's who he is. (that is a disclaimer for his future bride). From the beginning of our decision to adopt, he wasn't happy about it. He likes being the youngest and he told me that again yesterday. "I don't want to adopt no baby" were his exact words. The entire time we are discussing that, he is also saying, can I have a picture of her. I think he is really concerned about her special need and what that will involve for our family. I explained to him that I was very concerned also, but I think it will be just a minor thing in the long run. His other concern is that she looks like a boy to him and could I call China and tell them to quit cutting her hair. (I'll get right on that). I explained to him that they cut their hair to keep children from having lice while in the orphanage, etc. I think his overall concern is the fear of the unknown and I can relate to that. Ashton has not planned on traveling with us to China. He has stated from the beginning that he doesn't want to fly that far, so now, he's telling us we need to get him a passport and if I could give him about 2o of those "pills to help him sleep" (Benadryl -I swear), that he thinks he wants to go. Nothing like waiting to the last minute! Now I have to put a rush on getting him a passport. We have had mixed feeling about him going since the beginning, but now that it has taken 2 years to get here, I think it might be the best thing for him.

While I was waiting to download the information from AWAA on Friday, I prayed that God would give us the peace to know what the right decision was for our family. Understand, we have dial up and it takes forever to download things sometimes. So while I was waiting on our pictures and her history, I kept thinking about the Bring the Rain blog and her saying that God was the same God when she went in to the ultrasound room excited as he was when she came out of the room broken hearted. I also kept thinking about the the fact that you either trust him or you don't. While I waited, I picked up Bo's Bible and randomly turned to what was open. Psalms 20 and then to Proverbs 3. God directed me to both of those passages.

After working all night Friday night and praying and wondering and hoping and pleading with God to show me a sign to know what the right thing was to do, I left work yesterday morning in a state of pure bewilderment. I just felt so heavy and uncertain of the right thing to do. As I drove home, I was crying (I mean that ugly cry that you hope no one ever sees) and pleading with God to show me a sign. On the radio, 94 the Fish, the d.j. introduces the next song as Hands by Natalie Grant. Well, again, you don't know what Emma's special needs are, but suffice it to say, this song was perfect. The songs talks about being in better hands now and learning to stand. It was the perfect song and was followed up by Steven Curtis Chapman's song, I'm Diving In. Taking a leap of faith! I called Dede and left her a voice mail while I continued to cry and told her I think that I had my answer. She called back and said that when she listened to my voice mail she was crying and then when she heard the title of the first song, she couldn't stop laughing. It was my sign and may I just say, God has a very good sense of humor. So here we are. We are adopting our little girl/sister and just one week ago today, I had asked my friends to really pray about receiving a referral before the end of the month. Did I think God could do that, yes. Did I expect him to, probably not. Have I learned an amazing truth from all of this, certainly. God works on his time table. He is amazing and has certainly opened the eyes of a woman who has made many mistakes in her life and at times turned her back on God. But you see, I am adopted into his family and he loves me unconditionally. I have done nothing to deserve it and can never repay him for the sacrifice he made for me.

Well, I will share more about our bundle of joy as time allows and can't wait to post her picture. She is a dumpling and we couldn't be more proud. Happy Father's Day to all you wonderful dads out there. Bo has received the greatest gift ever this year. (I guess that means I can take mine back - I could use the money!:) Also, I know that my dadddy would be so excited about getting his first granddaughter. I suppose he already knows it and is smiling down on all of us.

Proverbs 3:5, 6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

Prayer - What Else Can I Say!!!!!!

Okay, this will have to be a brief post because I am suffering from pure exhaustion, adrenaline overload, brain freeze, you name it! We have gotten our call and we have accepted a shared referral! WE HAVE A DAUGHTER!! Well, we have to cross all the T's and dot all of the I's and get the paperwork done, but as far as we are concerned, she will be ours. I can't post any pictures yet and as soon as I'm allowed, I will put them on and let you see what a sweetie she is. She has a relatively extensive, but very doable special need that we fill like we can handle. I will share more of that later when I figure out what I'm allowed to share.

I worked Thursday night and got the call yesterday while I was trying to sleep. Needless to say, that was over with. I have had 4 hours sleep in 2 days, so I'm pretty worthless, but I just wanted to share our wonderful news with our blog family. God has answered our prayers, and has done so in a mighty big way. NEVER underestimate what He can do. I have certainly seen that in full form in the last 24 hours. We "cranked" up our praying last week asking him to provide us a referral before the end of this month and HELLO! I wasn't thinking end of the week, but that just goes to show you who is in control.

She is precious and we are slowly starting to fall even more in love with her. We are not blind to the fact that we will face some obstacles, and she has some difficult days ahead of her, but I know that God has it all under control. I have never been more sure of anything and have never had my faith reaffirmed more than I have in the last few hours. I can't wait to share it all with everyone. Truly, God is good All the time, ALL the time God is good. We covet your prayers for the days ahead while we work on paperwork, look at our financial situation and prepare our lives and home for our newest addition. Above all, pray for her as she waits for her new family to come and bring her home. We love her and are more than thankful for what God has done for our family.

Wednesday - I'm Seeing a Trend

I have spent my morning taking Ashton to the eye doctor to get contacts. I remember when I got mine 100 hundred years ago and unfortunately it appears he has my eyes. Poor kid! He tried so hard to put them in and managed to finally do it and then had to practice taking them out. He couldn't put them back in after that and his eyes were red and irritated. The lady that was helping (I mean if you can call someone who might have been 12 a lady) was really not much help. I finally decided that we would just master this at home and he was pretty proud of himself when he finally got them in. I remember getting mine at about the same age and my parents hovering over me while I tried to put them and getting so frustrated! I keep reassuring him that he will be able to do it without thinking really soon. I think he likes them and he's amazed at how clearly he can see now.

Our day has otherwise been pretty easy. Ryan spent the night last night so the boys have spent time swimming and playing Wii. What a life! Brady has promised 2 hours of bassoon practice tonight and I am holding him to his word. I think we had a small break through yesterday after Sylvan. He actually said he liked the teacher and he didn't complain all the way home. I'm sure that was a fluke, but I will take what I can get!

I have to work Thursday and Friday night. The boys are getting excited about church camp all next week. This will be the 3rd year they have gone and they love it. I remember being really worried the first time they went and hated that they didn't call home. My how the times have changed. I am as excited about them going as they are! I'm hoping to be able to get some things done around here and I hope that my sweet husband and I can go to dinner and a movie. That would be a nice treat.

Melissa and I walked again this morning. I'm pretty proud of us for making it 3 days in a row and we plan on walking again tomorrow. She was sharing with me some of the antics of her little darlings! They are so cute even when they are pushing every button you have. I'll try to remember that when Emma comes along.

Tuesday

I'm having a hard time coming up with titles for my post. Pretty boring to put the day of the week, but that's all I've got.

We survived the weekend and yesterday Brady went to Sylvan and then we spent time at the library. My boys love the library and this is a new one for them. They spent over an hour just browsing and were very happy when we left. They were a joy to be with yesterday and there aren't may days I get to say that. Most days they argue A LOT, but yesterday they seemed to get along well. They are supposed to play golf this morning, so the arguing may increase today.

We had such a good church service Sunday night. Our revival services were coming to a close and this service was very moving. The visiting preacher suffered a huge tragedy in December 2006 with the loss of a grandson to an accidental shooting. He spoke about grief and the things he learned during the tragedy and the time since. It was so moving that all I could do was sit there and cry. He had several points and I wanted to share them.

• God doesn't always explain himself to us. He tells us to trust him even when we don't understand. (He never explained things to Job).
• Kindness and compassion of people who love God and hurt with you are so important.
• Incredible providence of God.
• Grace of God is available and supplied at the right moment. (God doing for you what you can't do for yourself.)
• God can take a tragedy and turn it into a triumph.
• If tragedy can happen to a man like Job, it can happen to anybody.
• Do Not presume on tomorrow. No one knows what tomorrow holds.
• Express love to your family and friends WHILE you CAN.
• There is a resource of help beyond human means.
• Sometimes the right thing to say to someone who is hurting is nothing at all.

I found this message to be so uplifting. I can't imagine the death of one of my children. Would I be able to trust God? That would be a hard one I'm sure and I hope that I am never faced with it. I have thought so much about the post on Bring the Rain where she points out, you either trust him or you don't. I want to trust him and feel like I do most of the time, but as humans we all face those doubts and question why. I try to think about the phrase "God is good all the time, all the time God is good." Even when we don't understand. I am thankful for such a loving father.

I am off to go for an early morning walk with Melissa. She and I walked yesterday as well and I enjoyed it. Of course, I would rather be sleeping in!

Referrals came yesterday. I don't know the cut off from the CCAA, but it included one of our groups. Our next LID group is Jan. 25, 2006. We are 14 groups away for NSN adoption. I am praying that we get a call this month for a referral. I am asking God specifically about this and I am trusting him with the answer, even if I don't like it.

Friday

I have literally spent my week driving the kids to and from places. It has been a very busy week and although next week looks a bit hectic, it's nothing compared to this week. Ashton has his final basketball camp this afternoon at Austin Peay. He has been a very tired boy this week with 2 basketball camps each day. This has been the only morning he has been able to sleep in and he's still sleeping.

Brady made the golf team! He was very excited about that. I think that will be a huge boost for my boy who will be starting high school soon. He had Sylvan again yesterday and has to go 2 days next week to makeup for lost time. He is still very excited about it (she says sarcastically). I don't even respond to his complaining anymore. I'm hoping when he starts Algebra in the fall he will fall on his knees and thank me for this. I don't anticipate that happening, but one can dream.

Our weekend looks fairly busy, but there is nothing new about that. I have to work tonight and again on Sunday (day shift). I don't really like working days, but I will be working with my good friend BRENDA. (I told you I would mention your name Brenda!) We also have revival at church, so I have to prepare dessert for tonight and then we will attend tomorrow night. Before I blink, the weekend will be gone.

Please pray for my friend Maria. Their referral has not worked out and this baby needs all of our prayers. Maria and her family had to make a hard decision and I respect them for that. I know they would covet our prayers for their family and this baby girl. Life is so hard sometimes and I am so glad we have a GOD that lets us lean on him. He understands when we are angry, hurt, sad. He created us with all of those emotions and he isn't afraid for us to express them.

Psalms 116: 1 and 2 I love the Lord, because he hath heard my voice and my supplications. Because he hath inclined his ear unto me, therefore will I call upon him as long as I live.

Taxi Service, Would Gladly accept Tips!

Okay, so I'm not even going to bore you with the details of my day, but suffice it to say I have been in the car more than out of it. These boys are keeping me hopping this week and I would just like to say that I wouldn't be able to do it without my mother's help! Between basketball camps and golf tryouts, orthodontist apt., bassoon lessons, and tutoring, I couldn't do it without her.

We made the mistake of playing a family game of golf again yesterday and I have told the boys that I will no longer play with them. They were awful and it was no fun. They refuse to get along with one another and Ashton refuses to listen to advice and Brady is a snail. He has one pace and it's always slow. He will never die from overexertion! When you have 2 carts behind you and your son can't (won't) move fast, it doesn't make for an enjoyable afternoon.

Well, absolutely nothing exciting to talk about. I am about to have dinner and collapse on my couch so I can play this same game again tomorrow.