Wordless Wednesday

Okay, so I know I entitled it wordless, but I just have to say that this is how my girl wanted to nap today. Fully clothed, boots and all. My little cowgirl. Isn't she the cutest thing ever!

Happy Thanksgiving.

Chillin

Okay, so I want to be Emma when I grow up. Just sitting there with her feet propped up drinking her favorite beverage, watching TV and prepared for anything drastic with her helmet on. Does it get any better?



I hate mornings. Enough said. I don't hate them when it's just me that I'm dealing with, but when you add 2 hormonal teenage boys and an extremely demanding 3 year old girl, why yes, I do hate mornings......



Today's agenda. I have already made 2 batches of chocolate chip cookies for Ashton to take to school, Emma now requires mashed potatoes for her Thanksgiving feast at preschool, and then back home to make a very large baked spaghetti for the hospitality room at basketball. Enough to feed approximately 25 people. I am feeling the love at Thanksgiving......



Ashton had another game last night and suffice it to say they were killed. They actually did a lot of the killing to themselves, but between their errors and the boys on the other team we managed to get slaughtered. Ashton did put up one 3 point shot, but that was it. We have another game tonight and I hope that it's a happier scene.



The kids are out of school after today and I am glad for them to have a break. Brady is feeling a bit under the weather and just couldn't understand why I thought he should go to school today. I don't know, maybe the fact that he is failing Algebra II and we only have about 3 wks of school left. Say a prayer for the poor boy. He is about to push me over the edge.



I don't think that I'm going to attempt any Black Friday shopping this week. I have to work that night and I just don't think I am in the mood for it. I have become such an online shopper that I'm just not as into it as I once was. Is that a sign of old age?




Bo and I stopped for dinner last night after leaving the ballgame and as fate would have it we met a couple that had 2 daughters from China, a son from Cambodia, and an unexpected homegrown little boy. They were on their way to spend the night in Nashville where one of their daughter's was having brain surgery today. She was found to have a benign brain tumor a short while ago. She was a cutie and it was so nice to talk to them. Please remember them in your prayers as you think of it today and over the next several days. They were such nice people and are facing such a hard Thanksgiving away from their other kids and family. I was so thankful that God put them in our path.



Well, I'm off to start my marathon cooking day, coupled with marathon cleaning and laundry and Christmas decorating. We don't usually put our tree up until after Thanksgiving and I may break the tradition and do it tomorrow just because it's convenient. I feel like everyone just overlooks Thanksgiving and gets to caught up with Christmas preparations to enjoy this holiday.

Catching Up

So another 10 days go by and I continue to be a blog slacker.



Basketball season has started and that means extra busy times. As if times were not busy enough. Ashton had his first game Friday night and played JV and scored several points. I didn't get to stick around for varsity due to work, but I suspect he will only be playing JV for now. Freshman:)




My sweet Emma. Yes, she continues to decline a nap. Oh if she only knew that someday she will pray to nap during the day! I continue to lay her down and she stays in her crib and yells, sings, dances, plays......She uses all of her vocabulary while she lays there. She just yells out random words and it's really pretty funny. Of course, when dinner time gets here she is a BEAR and I am too and we are certainly suffering from that nap loss. It has been pretty difficult and between that and the boys just keeping me busy with life in general and dealing with teenage attitude and grades and girls and friends while trying to keep my life in some kind of order I have come to the conclusion that GOD has answered my prayer and I believe He is telling me that I don't need any more children. I am okay with this. Yes, when I see a picture and get those e-mails from different agencies, I know that I am going to always have that nagging feeling of "what if or just maybe", but I believe I have my answer. It seems the last couple of weeks have been particularly trying and I think GOD has used that to show me some things. So, our quiver is full and that is okay. I will always have a heart for adoption and orphans, but I don't think it's right for our family again.



So here are some pictures of my girl and her bath and talking to Nanny on the phone.

We Ain't Seeing Things Eye to Eye

My girl and I are having a bit of a conflict. Yes, I know, just one of many yet to come.



When she gets home from preschool it's time for her nap. Plain and simple. However, she has decided that it's time to lay in the bed and sing, jump, yell, kick, do her gymnastics routine, etc. The last 2 days she has not napped.....She has stayed in the crib for over an hour and waited me out. Surprisingly she has not been a total bear in the afternoon but I have. She does begin getting very difficult by dinner time. Is it time for her to stop taking naps? Surely not. What is it about kids that they don't realize how great they've got it to get to take naps everyday? What I wouldn't give! She is upstairs now and it's been about 45 minutes. I hear her still going strong:)



Emma has begun really talking. Yes, just talking away and pointing her finger at me and having the most expressive looks on her face. The problem with her talking is that I would swear it was Chinese. She just talks and talks and it completely cracks her up. I'm sure it's just babble but then again, how would I know exactly. It's gotten pretty funny!



Well, since I don't have anything Earth shattering to say, I will keep this post brief. Of course, when do I ever have anything Earth shattering to say!

My Constant Struggle

There are days that I don't think about it much and then there are the other days. The days that I can't stop thinking about it and wondering what if....




Are we supposed to adopt again or not?



There, it's out there. I've said it. The thought is one that I constantly battle with. I don't need anyone to tell me what to do or what they think we should do, especially if you have not experienced adoption. I'm not saying that to be mean, I'm just telling you that until you have experienced it, you will not understand.



I have a picture of Emma that I have never shared on this blog, nor would. it. Suffice it to say, it''s the picture that I look at on occasion and think "what if". What if we had not adopted her? She is so sad looking in that picture that it breaks my heart to look at it. But the sad reality is there are MILLIONS of Emma's out there (and boys too) that are in that same situation. They sit and they wait for a FAMILY. Something that most of us take for granted. Everyday children age out of the programs. They will NEVER have a family. A mom or dad or grandparents to love them and comfort them and support them. That reality tears at my heart and if I would let it, and maybe I should, I would never be able to close my eyes at night and sleep while children around this world wait on a family.



So there it is. My struggle. It's mine alone because in all honesty Bo would jump on board in a split second. But I am also a realist. I know how hard it is to take care of my kids, work, keep a home, be a wife, take Emma to numerous appointments to help her with her development, etc. I also know what my bank account looks like and right now there is very little wiggle room. Teenagers are expensive. Car insurance, gas, clothes, FOOD, school, FOOD, etc. I also realize how little time I have. No, I don't work full time outside of the home. I do work part time and am thankful for that. Some weeks are more "part time" than others and I am thankful for that as well. But I have so little time it seems. Between school, appointments, extracurricular activities that the guys are involved in, and life in general I feel like most days I don't give anyone enough. That includes myself and that is certainly not my biggest concern.




I'm 43. Bo is 45. No, that's not old and a lot of people adopt at that age, but I'm tired. Bo has been complaining that I have been snoring a lot at night (the pot calling the kettle black). HELLO, I'm tired. I can't help it if I snore. It's a wonder that I don't fall asleep sitting here while I type. What's the deal? I used to have more energy than I knew what to do with. I'm really sorry I wasted it when I was younger:)




I have a son who will (fingers crossed) graduate in another 1 1/2 years. He will then head off to college (I hope) and then I will have another right behind him. Emma will just be in kindergarten and what an exciting time for her. I remember how fast those days go! The selfish part of me is looking forward to seeing my sons leave the nest and start lives of their own. The selfish part of me wants to take that road trip that Bo and I have always talked about and see the country. The selfish part of me can't wait for that Alaskan cruise that we have planned for our 25th anniversary. The one that my change jar is collecting for! So yes, I'm selfish in those ways.




The other part of me keeps thinking about how much I love my girl and how it has completely changed our lives in so many ways. Adoption opened my eyes in so many ways and I am thankful that GOD allowed me the opportunity to experience it. It's a privilege. It's not for everyone and I realize that, but it was for us. However, I'm not sure that it's for us again. If GOD has it in our plans, I don't want to turn my back and say this is not a convenient time Lord. I want to do exactly what He would have us do, but the problem is that I don't know for sure what that is. Maybe I'm not praying about it enough or maybe I'm not allowing God to really speak to me. All of those things may be true.




The other very selfish part of the equation is the PAPERWORK and the WAITING. I don't think that I can stand it again. I'm just being honest. I know my limitations and I don't think that my nerves could stand it again. And then I get an e-mail from Rainbow Kids and realize how selfish I am being when I get a waiting child update and I wonder if that child is supposed to be ours. So what is a "little" paperwork.




So I struggle. Is it a faith issue? Perhaps. I had great faith that God would provide for us during Emma's adoption, and He always did. I know that He will do the same again. But I think that God wants me to search my heart and find my purpose. Is it to help others with their decision to adopt? Is it to give to worthy organizations that are taking care of orphans? Is it to eventually get to travel and be involved in medical mission trips? Or is it to adopt again? I don't have the answer for that last question.




My friend Leslie had a line on her blog post over the weekend that has resonated in my head. Someone had commented that "You will never regret having more children, but you may regret not having more." Okay, so those words have really been hitting home with me.



I don't know what the answer is for our family. I will continue to struggle with it I'm sure.

Our Week In Review

WOW! How does a week go by and I have not blogged? Some days I just don't have a lot to say and other days I'm too tired to say it.



Halloween came and went and Emma was a cowgirl. Not our first choice, well, not my first choice. I had bought her an adorable Renaissance princess costume thinking that it was just a cape, but oh no, it was a dress and that did not go over very well. She wouldn't even let me get it over her head. Oh well, we punted and decided to be a cowgirl because she already had on her boots and jeans and was thrilled with her hat, denim jacket and gun holster complete with cap gun. I didn't get any good pictures because she is by far the most difficult person to photograph that has ever lived. She hates to get her picture made!

These pictures are of her on the way home from the doctor's office when she had pneumonia. She was so tired and felt so bad. Thankfully, aside from an occasional cough, she is much better.

Our weekend plans are as usual, BUSY. Brady has his last band competition of the season...State. He is very excited about it and I hope they do well. It's going to be a very cold day and I am not looking forward to that part of it.

Ashton has started basketball practice and has to help with a jamboree this weekend. Once the games start we will be in constant motion.

Emma's school has a Fall Festival tomorrow, but I don't think we will be able to make it. She has no clue and it's the one thing that we can leave out.

Emma continues to just crack me up. Her antics are hilarious. She is constantly telling me "no" when I ask her if she is ready to go night night. She just grins that sweet grin when she says it. She is also holding her little finger up to her mouth and shhhhing me and others a lot. Not in a bad way, just when she is busy doing something. At nap time today she wanted to read her books (meaning turn the pages very fast), and she wanted to to sit with my hands folded under my chin and not make a sound. I complied.

Emma continues to have a love hate relationship with Ashton. She totally loves him but doesn't want him to touch her or her things or look at her or watch her movies, etc. She also makes sure that she lets out a loud and completely annoying shriek when he comes near her so that I can hear it. If it wasn't so annoying it would be funny. I then tell her it's okay and to quit being so difficult and she may let him come near her. However, during the day when Ashton is not around she is constantly calling out his name and if she sees a basketball, she calls out his name. She totally loves him but is quite the little sister.

So that is all of the excitement in our house. I hope that everyone has great weekend.