This One's For the Girls

I am 42.

My mother had a grandchild when she was my age. I got married when my mother was 42.



Most days I feel relatively young. Strike that. Occasionally I feel young. Strike that too. Rarely do I feel very young. There, I have said it. Now I know that 42 is by no means old. I expect to live to be at least 101 and continue to be of sound mind and body. I'm not sure when I am going to get that sound mind or body, but when I do I'm going to use it.


I'm not sure who the great philosopher was that said "everything gets better with age." I suspect it was a young person or someone who was extremely delusional. I agree there are some things that do get better with time. Wine for instance or a good cheese. Yes, those things do get better with time. I ain't cheese.


It seems like since I turned 40 I have noticed numerous changes in my body and mind.


Let's talk hair. Why do men lose it when they age and women get it in places they don't want it? Now I'm not saying that I would rather lose my hair because as long as I can afford to have my mustache waxed I plan on doing so and you can thank me for that later. However, the light colored facial hair that has taken up residence on my jawline and cheeks really makes me crazy. Thank God it's very light and I don't have to wax it. Man that would be expensive and painful. Yet, I didn't have that hair when I was in my 30s.


Wait a minute, maybe I did have the hair then but just didn't notice it. Considering that I only noticed the hair after I began wearing reading glasses and bifocal contacts, the hair may have been there when I was younger. I don't think so. I hope not. Would my friends have told me?


Let's talk spider veins. HELLO. You could do a map quest search on my right inner thigh. What is the deal? I am on my feet a lot and I know that contributes to them, but it's hard to be a nurse and sit down all the time. I have seen it done but then the nurses who are actually working really end up hating those other nurses. (just a side note). Again, I don't think that I have had this many spider veins all my life, but let's not forget the whole vision impairment thing.


Let's talk hormones. Estrogen, progesterone......the perfect storm. I'm at that lovely age of knowing that menopause is knocking on my door. Well, at least I hope so. But when you have a hot flash while applying acne cream something about that scenario just isn't fair. It's almost like the day that I received the tampon sample and the Poise incontinence pad sample all in the same day. Let's face it, when you have bladder control issues you shouldn't have to be worried with the "other" problem.


Let's talk memory. Need I say more. It's just like they told me in nursing school, if it's not written down it wasn't done. Well, it's just about that bad. If it weren't for post it pads I wouldn't know if I was coming or going.


Knees. I have a great workout plan. It involves going up and down stairs 1, 378, 211 each day. Who in the world chose these house plans anyway? Oh, wait a minute....that would be me. There are 14 stairs to the basement or man cave as we refer to it, and 14 stairs to our bedroom and Emma's room. HELLO. My butt is about the only thing on me that's in shape. My left knee however sounds just like a freshly poured bowl of Rice Krispies as you pour the milk over them. NOT GOOD.


My right wrist has been killing me. It's mostly just numbness and tingling but it's starting to actually hurt some too. I think that it's coming from a pinched nerve in my neck. I don't really think it's carpal tunnel, but I could be wrong. When I was younger, my wrists didn't hurt. What's the deal, aside from carrying a 35 pound little girl up and down those 28 steps 1, 378, 211 times each day.



Saggy places. Chunky places, cottage cheese spots on my hips. Annoying little things. Now I don't judge these folks that have plastic surgery as they get older. I will never do it. Not because I don't believe in it but because I can't afford it. I'd rather spend my money on a new deck or going to Disney World and showing off my spider veins. Or getting some new bifocals.




So, as you can see I have a long list of complaints about getting older. I realize that getting older beats the other option and I am thankful for that. But that whole it all gets better with age thing is a bold faced lie. I would love to meet the squirrel that came up with that idea.


On a positive note, being in your 40's helps you to be more comfortable in your skin. Saggy as it may be. I am more assertive now than I was when I was younger. I try to be more thoughtful when I remember to be. I enjoy the small things more. I trust my instincts more. At the risk of sounding cliche, I don't sweat the small stuff as much (except when I am in the perfect storm). I let Emma eat a bowl of Ramen noodles from breakfast this morning. That would never have happened in my 20's. She was very happy about it and that made me happy. Funny, the boys were never that happy about oatmeal.


I don't know where this post came from, however, I suspect that it had something to do with having to get my blood pressure and cholesterol medicines refilled today. That's just another reason that I can't afford plastic surgery...