Miss Cranky Pants

My sweet baby girl is not so sweet right now. We have had no more vomiting, however when you have only eaten 10 goldfish crackers and a few sips of juice vomiting really shouldn't be an issue. She has taken a few bites of various other things but has had no appetite for 2 days now. She slept great last night and hasn't had any fever, she is just not herself. It's so frustrating when they can't tell you what is bothering them. I also think I am beginning to see a bit of her 2 year old stage coming to life. She through herself on the rug last night and banged her head on purpose. What was that all about? This girl has a stubborn streak about her as well and although I am sure that will bode well for her in the future it's not so pretty when I'm the one on the receiving end!

The boys have gone to church for game night and Bo is with 2 of his life long friends watching football and eating chips. Emma and I are hanging out on New Year's Eve until they get back home. Oh I remember the days of partying with friends and staying up all night. If I make it to 9 p.m. I will be proud of myself. Amazing how having kids and getting older changes your life. No more late nights for me.

For some reason I kept waking up last night thinking about my kids and how it all began and how completely green we were when we started out. Let's face it, no one is really prepared to become a parent. No amount of books or episodes of Supernanny can prepare you for the unknown abyss that is parenting. It's a crap shoot. I look at my kids and wonder how they will turn out and thank God that so far they are healthy and happy. Well, as happy as teenagers and preteens can be. Emma doesn't qualify in that group yet.

I remember being so freaked out about being pregnant the first time. After the shock wore off and the days began clicking along I enjoyed being pregnant. I was one of the lucky ones. Never vomited one day, thank God. I felt good and didn't gain a ton of weight. Pregnancy was wonderful. I was also determined that I would do it all the right way. Natural delivery all the way for me. Lamaze classes here we come. We attended our classes regularly preparing for our little bundle of joy. After seeing my doctor for a regular visit it was determined that I was dilated to a 3 and I could go at anytime. I loved my doctor. I think he provided all of his patients with false hope, but I still loved him. I attended my next Lamaze class knowing that it would no doubt be the last. We would be graduating head of the class and leaving everyone else behind. Oh if I had only known I wouldn't have been so smug. We attended all of our classes and I believe graduated at the bottom. Our little darling had no desire to emerge from his happy surroundings and therefore was evicted by a landlord resembling a plastic knitting needle and a suction cup. I did manage to Lamaze and I did have natural childbirth, but after 12 hours of deep cleansing breathing I would have cut him out myself if I could have reached a scalpel. With all of that said, my little boy made his entrance into the cold, cruel world and I revealed a side of myself that I am not proud of. I think my doctor was paid extra for the venom that I spewed and if he wasn't, well at least he had the privilege of delivering our next bundle of joy 2 years later. Another story for another day.

So I guess to conclude this rather strange entry, parenting is not for the faint of heart. As we begin a new year with our boys and our new daughter, I hope that I can improve in so many ways. I don't make resolutions because they never seem to work out. I just have my own personal goals that I ask God to help me with everyday. I want to be mom that my kids can look back on and know that they were prayed for and loved and appreciated for their personalities. That is hard sometimes. But each of them is unique and I'm thankful for them and the husband that God has blessed me with to raise these little hooligans. It's a one shot deal and I want to do it right. I can only do that by the grace of God.

Happy New Year!