Long Night and News in General

As usual, my precious son Brady had a school project. As usual he waited until the last minute. The thing that really caused problems, I had bought the wrong printer cartridge for our printer and poor Bo improvised until 2 a.m. trying to get things printed. So he's exhausted, Brady had to get up early to finish his project, and I have to remember 21 not 15 when buying printer cartridges! I have a feeling it may be a long day for my poor husband. I'm trying to lay low!

I wanted to recap the weekend. The boys went to golf clinic Saturday afternoon and loved it. Ashton really enjoyed it. It goes right along with his competitive spirit. They have it again this weekend and have been in the yard practicing. Brady had a great time at the dance Saturday night. He looked too cute and really enjoyed himself. When I picked him up, he couldn't stop smiling. (Think girl.) He was still smiling Sunday morning getting ready for church. We had homecoming at church which means food after the service and then we took the boys shopping. Ashton had gift cards left from Christmas and couldn't wait to spend them. He did really well. He has an eye for clearance items and managed to get several good deals. His best deal was a pair of jeans for $6.99. It was tax free weekend, so he was really excited. We bought Emma a couple of dresses on sale at Gymboree that were too cute to pass up. That about wraps up the weekend.

Melissa and I walked 3 rounds yesterday! I was really proud of both of us. I have golf this morning to add to the work out and then I have to come home and cook for Angel. That lets me go see baby Mason!

Ashton is finished with AAU. His coach had a meeting with the parents yesterday and is having to stop coaching due to some health problems. I hate to see Ashton miss out on the games, but I completely understand. It will be nice to have our weekends back.

Yesterday was not as bad as I thought it would be. I tried to stay busy and not spend a lot of time thinking about things. I guess it was just another milestone in this journey of adoption.

2 Years Later

2 years after our LID and some of the things that I have learned:

• When God leads you to take a great big leap of faith, be prepared that the return on that investment may take a while.
• I am more patient than I thought I was. Some days are much harder than others.
• A few words in Chinese. (very few)
• Fingerprints don't change after 2 years, but you can't convince the government of that. (We will be having ours taken for the third time soon - at a cost of $140 - AGAIN)
• We have been waiting 17,520 hours for Emma.
• I am older and I feel it.
• Most people in the adoption community are very supportive. I have never read more blogs in my life!
• I think that my boys will be wonderful big brothers to their sister. 2 years ago, I probably couldn't have said that.
• When you love someone so much, even when you have never seen them except in your mind, you don't give up on them or the dream of having them home.
• When people say things that are hurtful, even when they don't realize it, sometimes you just have to bite your tongue and accept that they don't get it. Other times, blast them.
• I have a daughter and she has us. We will be together someday soon.
• My favorite verse: Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart, wait I say on the Lord. Psalms 27:14
• I am only human and God has a plan for us. Even though I know that, I don't always want to be reminded of that. Some days I just want to be sad and feel sorry for myself.
• Gymboree. Need I say more.
• Little girl clothes are so cute. Bows, ribbons, lace, smocking. Words that I have not used very often in my life.
• Female great whales have only one calf every 2 years. So that means somewhere in the ocean, a whale calf is being born today and we still don't have our daughter:)

Recital night was a hit!

Brady did great at his recital. He was very nervous and I think I may have been more nervous than he was. He was chosen to go second, so I think he was just really glad to get it over with. Tonight is the dance and the weather is looking great. He and his "friend" are just meeting at the dance. Whatever!

Ashton has no games this weekend, so that is refreshing. They both get to attend a golf lesson and then it's home for the dance. Ashton wants to go to the mall and spend his left over gift cards during tax free weekend, but I think we may not make it tonight.

Work was okay last night. Now that Angel has had her little bundle, I guess I will be working some extra shifts. With ball camps and church camp around the corner, I can certainly use the money. Kids are so expensive:)

Not a lot to write about, so I won't continue to bore you!

An Afternoon with Grumpy Young Men

I'm not sure if the stars were in some kind of weird alignment or what the deal was, but my 2 boys were absolutely horrible yesterday. From the moment I picked them up from school, they argued, complained, fussed, you name it! We had an orthodontist apt. and all the way there Ashton bothered Brady by looking at him, touching him, pretending to touch him, touching his backpack, MAJOR infractions such as that. Brady's response, yell, threaten, complain, whine. A really good approach to problem resolution that only pours gas on Ashton's fire. I absolutely felt like beating them both! After we got home, Ashton went to get the eggs from the chicken house and some how, Brady ends up coming to the house with his pants covered in egg yolk. Ashton's response, "I was aiming at the tree." Yeah, right! Ashton did get disciplined for that one by Bo and then he got to wash the jeans and get the yolk cleaned off. He did not enjoy that at all. Boys! What is the deal? I hope they come home in a better mood today.

I had a good walk with my mom and her little dog Jack this morning. She does pretty good for and "old" woman. It was such a nice morning to be outside. The breeze is wonderful. So I have managed to get in 2 walks this week and go to the driving range and hit numerous balls. Of course yesterday I couldn't hit anything. I really want to play golf, but yesterday made me almost decide against it.

No new adoption news. Referrals should be coming in the next week or so. Hopefully the CCAA will refer more than 5 days worth, but who knows.

YEAH! I made our final Washington payment today. If Brady manages to pass 8th grade (and he will), then it's a go. I am looking forward to it. If only I could some how escape from all of the kids going on the trip, I'm sure it would be even more fun. Brady is looking forward to going to the Holocaust Museum and we may be able to go to the White House. I really love history, so this is right up my alley. Brady's number one concern, "Can I order the biggest item on the menu when we go to the pizza restaurant?" A never ending appetite.

Brady for President

I think my son looks too cute in his suit! As of right now, he gets to attend the dance, so that's a good thing!

A beautiful Spring day

This is the most beautiful day! The sun is bright and there is such a nice breeze. It even got better when I resolved the .3 cent error in my checkbook and got my checking account balanced. Now I realize that is a bit anal retentive, but I can admit to that. There was a time when I never balanced a checkbook, I just started a new account, but thanks to Internet banking, those days are over!

I managed to get a nice walk in this morning. I am so out of shape! Our little road is the greatest place to walk because of the hills. It's very challenging and there is no traffic to contend with. I really wanted to walk another round, but I didn't have the wind left in me! I've got to do better. I keep thinking about all the energy it will take to keep up with a little one and how I'm a lot older now! I have got to become more disciplined about taking care of myself. My biggest problem is that I love to cook and I love to eat! Food isn't the enemy, my lack of discipline is.

I have not gotten as much done this morning as I had planned. I was so behind on reading e-mails that I decided to get caught up. I read some great devotions, so that was a huge plus. I read a line from a book listed on one of my devotions: Trust that God allows certain circumstances to happen to you so that something good can happen IN you. I loved that. I know that God has the huge plan all worked out with all the I's dotted and the T's crossed, but I have a hard time understanding it all. So while I'm learning and waiting, I want this wait and all things that go along with it to produce a positive outcome in me. I want to have the right outlook and spirit about it all. I know that I can't be happy all the time and God knows that to, but I may be uplifting to someone else who may go through the same thing in the future. I want to be able to use my experience in a positive way. I'm not saying that on many days I will not be complaining about this wait, but hopefully I'm gaining more positives than negatives.

Another answer to prayer was that Brady and I found him a suit yesterday and it was on sale. Now the question is whether he is going to get to attend the dance. He had a day in ISS a few weeks ago over something silly, but he may not get to go because of that. I hope he does, especially since we found the suit. He looks cute in it! This is the child who never wears anything but jeans and t-shirts. Of course, Ashton wanted to buy a suit jacket to wear with his jeans. Now that kid has style!

It's Monday AGAIN

The weekend came and went again. Ballgames Friday night, Saturday and again Sunday (but not during church:) I went to the game Saturday morning instead of coming home and going to bed after work. Our team won, and Ashton played well. It wasn't his best game, but he did okay. He had games again in the afternoon, but my loving husband brought Brady, my mom and Dale and me home so I could go to sleep. Brady was supposed to go to a golf lesson, but he was tired from his party the night before and he wanted to take a nap as well. Totally worked for me! I didn't get to go to the games yesterday due to a shower for Melissa and Rory, which was a lot of fun. Rory was very entertaining! Ashton's team won the first game and played for the championship game at 4:30. Bo said the crowd was very rude and heckled the kids a lot. I think they must have really gotten into Ashton's head according to Bo. He was shooting a free throw and missed the first one completely and the crowd laughed at him. The next shot was nothing but net and I think Ashton gave them a look to remember. I'm really glad I wasn't there. In all the years my boys have played sports, I have never been tossed out of a game, but yesterday might have been the first. Don't be messing with momma bear's cubs!!

TCAP monitoring this morning and thank GOD it's over. What a boring thing to do! After that I took off a huge load of recyclables and then went to golf lesson number 10 (only 2 to go) and now home for a quick change of clothes and off to Sylvan for the math tutoring that Brady doesn't need (lol). He is quick to tell me it's a waste of his time. I'm debating about taking the boys to the mall after tutoring since Brady needs some dress pants and a shirt for recital Friday. The poor child has nothing nice to wear since all he wears is t-shirts and jeans. I am not looking forward to shopping with him. He's a bit of a pain to shop with if it's not what he is wanting to look at. I think I will have to think on it some more before I decide if that is worth the hassle.

That about wraps up my exciting life for a few days. No adoption news. I keep looking at the little count down from LID and realizing that next week it will be 2 years. I'm really not looking forward to that milestone.

I read this verse last night and felt it really applied to me right now and I wanted to share it:
Psalms 28:1 Unto thee will I cry, O Lord my rock; be not silent to me: lest, if thou be silent to me, I become like them that go down into the pit. God isn't being silent to me, I guess sometimes I just am not listening like I should.

A Whole Lot of Shaking going on!

Nothing like be woke up with an earthquake! I have only felt one other one and this one was certainly worse. Bo had fallen asleep downstairs (as usual) and I came downstairs to check on things and there he sat looking at me really funny asking if that was an earthquake. I then heard Brady getting up and here he came asking the same thing. Ashton, never woke up! I really don't want to experience many more of those!

Friday! Bo is enjoying his day off with his honey do list. I'm going to try to catch a quick nap and then do some errands and get ready for work tonight. Ashton has a game a 6:45 and Brady is going to a party or a concert. That is still undecided.

I got to spend my Thursday morning proctoring for TCAP. There is nothing more exciting than sitting for 2 hours and watching a room of 7th graders take tests. I enjoyed it so much that I am going to do it again on Monday. I then had my golf lesson and he wore us out. I don't know how many balls we hit, but I was sunburned and tired! Bo says never to complain if it involves getting to play golf, so I'm keeping my complaining to a minimum. In between all of that, I ran home and discovered someone had come in to my house while I was gone and left me the most beautiful vase of lilacs. It smelled so nice and I even get to keep the vase. Thanks Momma! I also made a quick trip in to Hot Potato Kids consignment and ending up buying 3 dresses and an adorable hair bow for Emma. I spent all of $13! I have not bought her anything in a while, so I caved.

Wednesday

Not much to write about today. I have done some much needed cleaning that I had intended to do yesterday, but after the call from our agency I just wasn't in the mood. We received an e-mail from AWAA today with pictures and bios of the children listed on the shared referral lists and the one they called about wasn't on there. I assume that means some one is reviewing her file and I am happy for her and them. I had a hard time sleeping last night just thinking about her. Yesterday was certainly an indication to me just how hard this all can be.

I enjoyed a walk with Melissa and Angel today. Poor Angel looks like she is ready to pop. Hopefully her baby will get here soon! Rory was adorable as usual with her hair in pigtails. I can't even imagine working with such fine, straight hair! I look forward to it, however I do have those flashbacks of Momma trying to fix my hair when I was little. Man, she used to pull it so hard! I forgive you momma:)

Well, I must make dinner and watch Ashton shoot hoops while I grill. Poor child needs constant attention. Brady is mad at me and holed up in his room. What else is new!

A Very Hard Morning

Ambivalence: simultaneous conflicting feelings. I have a very good understanding of this word today. We got a call this morning with a possible referral. When I looked at the caller ID and saw it was our agency, I was beside myself with excitement. No one can understand how this feels unless you have experienced it. You wait and wait and wait, and then you wait some more. Then when you get a call you can't believe it's finally happening. The coordinator from AWAA called with a shared referral (meaning this child is being looked at by multiple agencies). She told me her name and DOB, but I can't share it on my blog. She was about 2 1/2 and had 3rd degree, unrepaired cleft lip and palate as well as congenital heart defect, unrepaired. Those are all special needs that we are open to, however when you put it all together, it is more than we feel like we can deal with. We don't want to make a decision about a child because we are tired of waiting and frustrated with the whole thing, we want to make the right decision based on our family and what's best for the child. After talking with Bo and getting some much needed reassurance from Melissa, I called them back and declined it. This was all done while crying and feeling like I wasn't going to make it through. So yes, I know what ambivalent means. I know this little girl will be adopted and as the coordinator at AWAA said, now she has another person praying for her. I think that when we get the call, if we do get a special needs referral, I will feel a sense of peace about it. I don't think I should have a feeling that it's not the right thing. Aside from feeling so incredibly sad about turning this little one down, I am excited to know that at least we got a call. I had been thinking just yesterday how exciting it will be to at least get a call and hear something. God answered that for me, and I know that he will answer the rest of my prayers. I never would have imagined when we began this journey 2 years ago how difficult it would be. Today was certainly the most difficult of all. Please say a prayer for a little girl half way around the world that is waiting for the right family for her. God knows which one you are praying about.

Monday

So the answer is yes, I went to the ballgame with my son. Bo and I discussed it more and we decided it was the right thing to do. We have explained to Ashton that we won't be making a habit of it and he understands. He ended up having 2 games, at noon and 3pm. They won the first one and lost the "championship" game by one point at the buzzer with Ashton putting it up and it going in right as time ran out. It was a great game and I'm glad I didn't miss it. We then had family night at church and of course Ashton played more basketball. Bo played too - I've never heard so much whining in my life:) "I'm sore, my feet hurt, blah, blah". This picture is of a very tired boy with his runner up medal.

Today has not been too exciting. I finally vacuumed my hard wood floor and mopped after probably 2 weeks. It was a mess. I had to attend a viewing at the funeral home and it will soon be time to pick up the boys and head to Sylvan for 2 hours! Another busy week ahead. I'm hoping to manage to get some more house cleaning done this week and that is about the most exciting thing on the agenda other than golf lessons and monitoring for TCAP. (The most boring thing to do in the world!)

Parenting - It Ain't for the Faint of Heart

It is true what they say, parenting is the hardest job in the world. The last few days have been the type of days that make me feel like I don't know what I'm doing, but I want to do it right. Brady has been having some issues with feeling like he doesn't get to do what his friends do and he always has to go to Ashton's games, etc. Granted, that is true. However, it seems that his friends might be left to do whatever they want with little supervision. I'll be honest, I may be overprotective, but I am not going to let him "hang out" with people that I don't know and have that gut feeling that comes with being a parent. He's not very happy with us right now, and I will be glad when school is out and he has some time away from these friends. I'm sure they are decent kids, but I'm not taking any chances. I have given him the option to have his friends over here to hang out, but that doesn't seem as appealing to him. God knew what he was doing when he gave us babies to grow to love, because if he had given us teenagers He knew we would have handed them back! Please pray for us as we face these situations, because in all seriousness, this is really hard to deal with and I want to do it right.

My other dilemma, Ashton was supposed to have a game last night in Gallatin at 9pm. Okay, we drive all the way there and the game has been cancelled. Bo didn't get the message on his phone and we wasted all that time and gas. Needless to say, I wasn't happy. Now Ashton has a game today at 12. I'm not happy about that either. We have tried to avoid keeping the boys out of church due to sports, etc. and now we are faced with it. Ashton did really well Friday night, scoring 16 points in his 2 games and today's game will be the championship game and I know he wants to play in it. Bo and I have disagreed on how to handle it, but I have left it up to him and as of now, Ashton is going to play in the game. My problem is, do I miss church and watch him play. I don't get to see his games on Fridays due to work and I know he wants me to go. We never miss church on Sunday and I don't want him to think it's okay. I had a talk with him last night and he knows that we are not happy about this, but it's hard for a kid to grasp it all. These are the times that try men's (and women's) souls!

Not Too Much Happening

Not too much to post about. I worked Tuesday night, slept yesterday and go back to work tonight and Friday night. How exciting is that? Bo gets to start his new schedule tomorrow and he is really excited about that. I'm excited that I don't have to take the kids to school tomorrow and can come home and go straight to bed. Night shifts are harder for me than they used to be. I'm sure that isn't a sign of aging!

Ashton and Brady are keeping me busy again this week. For those of you who don't know it, Brady plays the bassoon. Yes, I realize the average person (including myself) has no idea what the bassoon is. It's a double reed, bass woodwind instrument and he is the only one in the band who plays it. He has lessons every Thursday afternoon with a great instructor. He also is taking guitar. Also on Thursday, Ashton has basketball practice, so Thursday afternoon is always busy. So that will be my afternoon until it's time for me to head to work at 6:30. Again, like I said, nothing too exciting going on around here:)

No adoption news. I keep thinking this month will be 2 years since our LID. I may disappear on April 29. I feel a "I'm entitled to feel sorry for myself day" coming. Perhaps retail therapy might be in the picture.

Ashton "guarding" the big kid

Here's a picture of Ashton "guarding" the other player. Does he look 11?

Another Busy Weekend

Our weekend seemed to go by in a hurry! Saturday was spent in Murfreesboro with Ashton having 3 ballgames! They won their game on Friday night, with Ashton "putting the icing on the cake". Evidently he hit a free throw that kept the other team down by 3 and they were unable to catch up. He only hit 1 of them because he was smiling too big to hit the other one (according to one of the other parents). On Saturday they won 1 game and lost 2. They were up against some serious ball players and Ashton had to guard a boy that looked liked he was a bit older than 11 or 12. He could have passed for 16 at least!

Sunday was church and eating with Momma and family and then home to do yard work. My poor children have voiced that they don't enjoy yard work, or any other work for that matter! Is it just my kids, or are there other lazy children out there? Brady described weed eating as "harder than it looks". No kidding!

Dede and I had another golf lesson this morning and it was such a great morning to be outside. I did a little better today than last week, but still struggling along. I really like this game and would love to have the time to play. This is a week when I work 3 nights and sleep all day, so no more golf this week.

There were some adorable babies on http://www.chinaadopttalk.com/ from the latest referrals. It's really a younger group of referrals that usual. The average age is 10 months, so 5 and 6 months old it really young for China.

Friday

Well, referrals came today and the CCAA has not posted the date for how far they went. However, our agency received 10 healthy little girls, ages 5-15 months. I was wrong about our LID dates, and America World had a group that was LID 1/6/06, so they received referrals. Our next LID is 1/13/06. How wonderful for all those families that have been waiting so long! That leaves 15 groups in front of us, which translates in to - too long to mention!

This is a busy weekend for us. Ashton has a ballgame tonight in Murfreesboro and 3 tomorrow. I have to work tonight, so I don't get to see him play until tomorrow. Brady was rescued by Giggee and Pop and gets to spend the night with them tonight. I know he was thrilled not to have to go to the ballgame tonight.

Nothing too exciting to post today other than the referrals and I finally finished my book. If you are interested in the Middle Ages, the book was a good read. What a barbaric time period! Well, I managed to snag the latest Jodi Picoult book from the library, so I am looking forward to reading that.

Thursday - Should We Build an Ark?

Today is one of those rainy, dreary days that makes you just want to crawl in bed and sleep for hours. I have no desire to do anything productive today. I have managed to do laundry (which is constant), change the sheets, and go to Kroger. I did manage to save over 54% on my grocery bill, with coupons totaling over $73, so that was a good morning for a frugal, coupon clipping nerd like myself. It's the little things that make me happy!

My goal is to finish reading a book today. I have been reading The Pillars of the Earth for about 6 weeks. It's almost 1000 pages, so it's taking me forever. It's a little bit odd and pretty violent, but otherwise it's okay. I just really want to get it finished and read something a little more light hearted. I always try to finish a book if I have started it. I don't know why I feel like I owe it to the book and author to at least finish it. I guess that goes along with my other weird ways.

Not a lot of news to offer. Just another regular day. Still no referrals, but maybe before the day is over.

Hump Day

After a morning of golf lessons (picking up where I left off in the winter), I have decided you cannot be a good golfer if you never play or practice. Pretty cut and dry. I really did awful! Our sweet instructor, Mr. Jim, never complains or says anything negative. He always puts a positive spin on things. I managed to hit the ground and get mud in my face and eyes and he still was sweet about it - "You really left a divot then!" How positive is that? I really like learning to play and have no great aspirations except to be good enough to play with my friends and family without feeling like an idiot. No big deal there! Dede and I have another lesson next week and I have to admit I am looking forward to it. I did manage to hit a few good balls, but not many. I also have a feeling I am going to be sore tomorrow. After pushing Rory in the stroller yesterday up the monster hill and practicing golf for over an hour this morning, I think my shoulders are going to be screaming! It stinks to get old.

Still no referrals this morning. All signs still point to Jan. 9 as the date. I went to the funeral home this morning to visit a friend whose father died and several people asked me "when are you getting your little girl?" I hate that I have no answer to that question. "Who knows" is my response at this point. Everyone seems afraid to ask and several have said they don't want to upset me by asking. It doesn't upset me at all. It is what it is and asking me about it doesn't change a thing, so for anyone reading this, don't worry about asking me. I am okay with it. I will not melt into a flood of tears I promise:) and I am not carrying a weapon:) You are safe to approach that subject. Thanks for all the continued prayers and support.

A New Month - Finally

Well, after a few days of not posting you would think I would have something exciting to talk about, but alas, I do not. Our weekend was nice, no ballgames. Sunday we had a baby shower for Angel and she got lots of things. Poor girl looks so miserable. She is ready for this baby to arrive - I know how she feels in a different way:) Bo was home yesterday and the weather was nasty in the morning so we went to Goodwill and had lunch at Panera Bread. It was a good day together and then the afternoon was beautiful. I went for a walk with Melissa and Shelley, grilled some salmon for dinner, and watched Dancing With the Stars. Am I just full of excitement or what!

We all went for a walk again this morning and it was so nice. Little Rory rode in her stroller and I had the work out opportunity to push. Certainly adds some weight to the work out. She was adorable and all smiles.

Brady and I will be going to Washington in May. I overruled him and decided it was too good of an opportunity for him and he couldn't back out. Now you know the rest of that story. He's still a little on the undecided side of the fence, but I think he will have fun. I hope so, or I will have to hear about it forever. He was so funny this weekend. He told me he held Rory and she kissed him and "now my life is complete". He went to his friend Ryan's house for a birthday party Sunday afternoon and Cara (Ryan's older sister - 17) was trying on her prom dress when Brady arrived. He told me later that Cara looked so pretty and it was like "walking into a dream". OK, so he is seriously girl crazy. She is really cute though!

Adoption news - none. Referrals usually come at the beginning of each month. so it's time for some. According to the rumor queen http://chinaadopttalk.com/, the CCAA will only be referring to January 9, 2006. Of course, our agency doesn't have anyone logged in on that day. Our next batch would be Jan. 10. That would put CCAA only referring 5 days worth for the last month. Unbelievable and so frustrating! When I think about how long this is taking, it overwhelms me. Yes, I am praying in FAITH, yes I know that it will all be worth it in the end, but that doesn't make it better now. I can't understand why it's taking so long. If we didn't have so much invested, I would think about adopting from another country. I'm not so sure that might not be the right thing to do, but I hate to jump ship when we've put so much of our heart, soul and money into China. I can't wait until this is all over and we have Emma home. If you ever want to learn patience, adopt. It will put you in your place! Type A personalities, beware.

Well, I really should do something productive at my house today. It's one of those days I have no desire to clean. I need to do some catching up on my Bible reading, make some phone calls, send some cards, and certainly work around here! I thought walking would give me a burst of energy today, but suddenly I am dragging. It will be time to pick the boys up and another day of nothing accomplished!